Your Molecules Love Me

I just read about a recent study in which a university discovered that there is a molecule called NGF that is responsible for that head over heals feeling that people get when they fall in love. They say it will only last in your system for about a year. That should explain the divorce rate these days if it's true, but it got me thinking...

What if there is a chemical that is responsible for giving your boss that great feeling that he/she gets when they give you a raise? Why can't we work on extracting that one for personal use?

Or, the feeling of good will that a policeman gets when he lets you off with a warning.

How about that feeling of honesty achieved by a nice used car salesman when he doesn't rip you off?

In the future, when you are at the mechanic and he is about to tell you what all is "wrong" with your car, you could dig through your case of happy feelings and pelt him with "it's just the air filter, it will cost $12.50" before he knew what hit him.

It might be annoying carrying around all those spray bottles, but you can just hit yourself in the face with the "I like carrying heavy stuff because it burns more calories" spray so that it won't bother you so much.

The idea that everything that we feel can be tied to a chemical is a little unnerving, but I think we could all get used to it. At least, we will once they figure out which molecule makes us feel good about chemistry.

Clowning Around

As you well know, there is a lot of competition between fast food chains but it has apparently reached a new level.

It would seem that some companies are planting agents inside other chains to clean them out when the doors close.

Check out the following link to read the news story:

News Story

"The parents of Ronald, Billy "Big Mac" MacDonald and his wife, Frita "Small Fry" MacDonald could not be reached for comment."

Honestly, why didn't this guy apply AT Mcdonalds? He could have definetly played the sympathy card for having been named that and maybe with a little luck, ended up in a simalar role as "Jarod" for Subway.

Knowing the way the world works these days, expect to see a lawsuit filed soon, regarding payment for the free publicity he provided. Soon to be followed by his new book, "Walking In My Big Red Shoes". First Chapter: "How I misunderstood the "Dollar" Menu Concept".

And for any McDonalds managers out there, beware of hiring anyone named "Wendy Thomas", because paybacks are rough.

Free Money

So in light of recent events, I think I've come up with a fairly fool proof money making scheme. It's not something that can be done over and over, but more of a one shot deal.

This past week the new XBox 360 came out. Video game junkies from around the world were doing whatever it took to get their hands on one. Those who were lucky enough to get their names at the top of the waiting lists got first dibs on what was apparently a "too small for demand" shipment.

Not suprisingly, a lot of these early birds turned around and sold their Xbox's on ebay for 2 and 3 times what they paid for them.

So here's my scheme. The Playstation 3 comes out next spring and I'm betting that it will be more of the same type of hysteria. If I can get lucky enough to get at the top of one of the lists and get one, I could potentially double my money on ebay. Worst case scenario, I could take it back if it didn't sell, so I'd be out nothing.

So unless there is some obvious loophole that I'm overlooking, I could rack up a quick $500 for doing practically nothing. Seems like it's worth a shot to me.

Feel free to leave me a comment below if you think of something that I didn't but as far as I can tell it seems pretty foolproof, and we can use all the free money we can get.

The Pizza Flu

I'm going to have to skip this week's diet update because I got some sort of flu bug yesterday and I'm fairly certain that my weigh-in last night was skewed by it.

On saturday night we decided to get some pizza. We felt a little bad about it, but decided that we have both been pretty good and deserved it. Also, we figured it was a holiday weekend and if we broke even this week then that would probably have to be considered a victory.

We got it from Pizza Hut, and either there was something really bad in the pizza that only affected my wife and I or my wife's flu shot from earlier in the week went bad because we woke up with some serious stomach issues. Between the two of us, my parents' bathrooms, didn't stay unoccupied for long.

I still don't feel all that great today, although I'm much improved. I still have the after flu head and body aches but at least I can eat again. All I have to say is that if this Bird Flu they keep talking about is worse than the Pizza Flu, then I want nothing to do with it.

Of course, this could have been God's way of removing my craving for pizza permanently. I can't even stand to think about it. I guess I did ask him to help me stick to my diet. Mysterious ways, indeed.

Happy Thanksgiving

Have a great Thanksgiving and enjoy the long weekend. Don't eat too much!!

Bandwagons

How many times have you accused someone of "jumping on a bandwagon"? I was thinking today after I said that that I actually have no idea what a bandwagon is and furthermore, who might have ever wanted to jump on one.

So in the old days did they have parades in which the band was followed by a wagon carrying all their stuff? I can only assume then that band members were giant celebrities and it was all they could do to keep people from jumping onto their wagon and mobbing them. This must have been what happened to Lawrence Welk in his pre-tv years. Maybe People Magazine even had a Sexiest Tuba Player list.

Or maybe "Bandwagon" is actually the name of a old bridge that is long forgotten. Perhaps in ancient times helpless victims and the drawers of short straws would jump off of the bridge to sacrifice themselves and become more pleasing to the God's of the home team?

I can't honestly say that I have any real idea what the true meaning is, but it had to come from somewhere. Personally I'm going with the sexy tuba player theory until I'm proven wrong.

Diet Update

This week was a bit more normal as far as my diet goes. According to my calculations I should have lost 2 pounds, and I did exactly that. That first week was obviously a fluke but it did kick start my campaign with a bang. So now I'm at 195 with Thanksgiving looming this week. I don't intend to count calories on Thanksgiving day, but I'm not planning to just eat like crazy either. At this rate it should take me about another 5 weeks of this to reach my goal of 185. Sounds like it could be a nice Christmas present to myself. Hopefully at that point I will be satisfied and I can just set about maintaining my weight.

I'm not sure where all this will power is coming from. I have tried stuff like this before and had no luck controlling my cravings. I think the thing that I did right this time was starting slowly. I started that workout class and then didn't actively watch what I ate at first. It gave me a chance to get used to the extra energy loss without adding in the loss of food right away. Now that I have been doing the class for 3-4 months the calorie counting isn't that hard and my metabolism is way up.

The other thing that helps is that we can't really afford to buy junk food or eat out very much. It's pretty easy to resist things that you can't afford.

Here's hoping to see 193 on the scale next sunday night!

Down From the Ledges

Instant classic, or so it was deemed by ESPN. The OSU/Michigan game was instant heartburn for me. Those close games are only exciting and fun after the fact, and then only if your team wins.

In my case I was getting pretty angry about all the turnovers in the game. OSU had Michigan on the ropes and let them back in the game by not holding onto the ball. At one point my wife literally had to talk me off of a ledge, sort of. When Michigan went up 21-12, I decided to go work outside and give up on the game. I was literally on the roof working on our Christmas lights when OSU scored the touchdown to make 21 -19. She called to me from inside the garage that I'd better come back in and watch the rest of the game.

Thank goodness for the miracle of DVR. I climbed down the ladder and rewound the game so I could see the touchdown and the rest is history. It's nice to see Michigan get a little taste of what it was like for us during the John Cooper era.

So anyway, congrats to the Buckeyes and bring on the Fighting Irish. At least we hope so. It would stink to not get into a BCS game after all that, but only time will tell.

My New Shirt

Last sunday we went to my Mom and Dad's after church. We normally do this, because they live just around the block from the church and we live 20 minutes away, so it saves us 40 minutes of driving each week by not having to go home and then come back for church in the evenings. Plus it gives them a chance to see the kiddos.

Well I had forgotten that the all church thanksgiving dinner was that evening and the shirt that I had on had a few stains on it. It would have been fine for our small group but not in front of the whole church, so I borrowed a shirt from my Dad that he didn't really want and ultimately he told me to just keep it.

Today I saw that shirt in the closet and decided to wear it to work. I'm sitting at my desk and one of my coworkers walks in. He just stares at me and then says "What are you doing?" I have no idea what he is talking about and ideas are running through my head like maybe I accidentally wheeled over his cat with my office chair or something. Finally he tells me that I am wearing a GOLD colored shirt on the friday before the OSU/Michigan game! For those of you not from Ohio, that is kind of a cardinal sin around here.

Thankfully he had an extra OSU t-shirt in his workout bag that he let me borrow to wear over my shameful shirt. It's a good thing too. Like accidentally wearing the wrong gang's colors in a bad part of town, I could have come into some trouble.

As it is, all potential shirt trouble has been avoided and all I can say is GO BUCKS!

O-H

Test Your Knowledge

My wife sent me a personal quiz this morning and it was a lot of fun. There is a web page where you can make up a quiz and send it to your friends to see how well they know you. I made one about me for you to take. If you have just been reading my blog and don't really know me, it could be tough, but give it a try anyway. Also feel free to make one of your own and send it to me to try.

Here is the link:
Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!

A Moment

I had what my Mom refers to as "a moment" yesterday. Which basically refers to a time when you do something really dumb and have no idea what you were thinking.

I was working on a problem here at work, and I needed to test to see if a record still existed in the system for this particular company. The guy that wrote up the problem had been able to log in with one of their ID's so I just emailed him and asked him to send me the ID and password that he had used. Doesn't sound too bad so far, but it was his answer that made me feel like a moron.

He wrote back and told me that there is now a way that we can search for ID's in the system and asked me if I knew about it and if I had used it before. Here is the kicker. Not only did I know about it, I wrote the code that makes it work.....

Well naturally I felt like an idiot and said so when I wrote him back. Fortunately he gave me the benefit of the doubt based on my lack of sleep lately with the new baby.

I still can't believe I did that, but I guess it just goes to show that we are all idiots at one time or another. Hopefully you aren't offended that I just called you an idiot, but if so, just remember that I have a tendency to say dumb things sometimes.

Doctored Christmas

Everyone has pictures like this from their childhood. Yourself as a baby or toddler helping your Mom and Dad decorate the tree and there is no doubt based on those pictures that everyone in them is having an incredible magical fun time.

I'm starting to learn that there really is a lot of doctoring that can be done, even with family photos. Crystal, Kylie and I tried to put up one of the Christmas trees last night. It was my tree and all we were really trying to accomplish was getting the actual tree put together. As a side note, my Mom and Dad bought me a new artificial tree this year because my old one had had it. We couldn't afford it, so I was very grateful.

Kylie was pretty tired and all she really wanted to was play with the branches. Anyone who has put one of these trees together before knows that the hard part is keeping all the different sized branches organized so that you don't lose any or get them mixed up. This was made a little easier on me since the tree is new and the colored stickers aren't missing or faded yet, but I was still getting pretty stressed when she would mess up the piles. Old habits die hard.

Kylie had a screaming fit every time I had to take the branch that she was playing with to put on the tree and would accept no substitutes. I tried to have her "help" me but she was having none of it. She even got mad that we shut off "Big Bird" in favor of Christmas music. All in all, what was supposed to be a fun family evening ended up giving us all a headache.

However, when we looked at the pictures on the digital camera, everyone appears to be having a great time. It was all in the timing. Taking pictures in the brief non-screaming phases and deleting the ones that showed what really happened. When my wife scrapbooks all this, no one who wasn't there won't think that it was a great evening filled with family fun.

I still think Christmas will be fun. Kylie still isn't two yet, so she is still a little too young to understand, but the pictures will always tell her that last night was a total blast.

Only Off by 21,000

Sorry I haven't posted in a while but as you know if you read my last entry, I had a four day weekend and I just didn't get around to it.

I've been trying to get healthier for a while now, and have been working out for the last few months but last week I decided to take a proactive approach to losing some weight by watching what I eat as well as exercising. I'm not really overweight, but I have more excess fat than I really want. I based everything I did on this article. It tells you that all the diets are trying to achieve the same goal. To help you use more calories than you take in. Basically, you have to take in 3500 less calories a week than you use if you want to lose a pound.

I used all the calculations to figure how many calories I use in a normal week and then set out to eat 3500 less than that last week. Based on my calculations I actually ate about 5000 less than my body used.

Last night was the end of week one, so I weighed in. (Just for the record I'm about 6' 2" and I weighed in at 203 to start last week.) I actually had to do it twice to be sure I wasn't misreading it. 197 pounds. How on earth did my "lose one pound a week" plan lose me 6? Obviously I was happy about it, but that doesn't even make sense. That means that I was off by 21,000 in the amount of calories that my body actually used last week. I can't believe that, and still think that there must be some other explanation.

I don't expect this trend to continue, but it's a good start. I'm hoping to get back to 185, and then reevaluate. Ultimately my goal is just to feel ok about not wearing a shirt when I mow. I'm tired of being the REALLY white guy at the pool.

Luck Has Vacated Me

So I was in the cafeteria the other day and while waiting for my food to finish heating up, noticed that the monitors were running some sort of info on our latest employee survey. I hate doing those things but had done it this year after pressure from our managers, which probably had pressure from theirs.

It said that if 65% of the people did the survey, then there would be a random drawing for one free vacation day. If 75% of the people did it, then it would be 2 days, etc. I scoffed at the offer. "Who in their right mind would be motivated by that", I said. "As if anyone thinks that out of this whole company, they have a decent chance of winning a free day".

As you have probably already guessed, I was one of the two people that won a free day. It just cracks me up how you end up winning something that you thought was hopeless and never win the thing that really catches your eye. Not that a free vacation day is a trivial thing. I will greatly enjoy it, but I tried for weeks to win a free plasma tv in a radio contest and came up empty every time. I guess you just have to take what you get when you can get it. I'm sure that this friday will be a much better day for me than it would have been before I won.

Despite the title of today's entry, I'm not a big believer in luck. This is a God thing. No idea why, but obviously he has a reason. If I figure it out, I'll let you know. In the mean time, I think I'll go scoff at that plasma tv contest for a little while.

Nothing has changed, except everything

A few months ago, I finally made the decision to start making regular trips to the dentist. I hate going to the dentist and the fact that I had had no cavities or tooth problems of any kind up to that point, helped me to convince myself that I only needed to go once in a while.

I had my first filling and it wasn't so bad, and I even went through the hoops of getting the x-rays done so that I could just start coming regularly to this same dentist.

Now my company has told us that they switched dental providers and that our coverage wouldn't change at all, but we would need to sign up again. So I did, and then after hearing from someone else that their dentist wasn't on the new plan I looked for mine. Sure enough, not on the list. So now, in 4 months when I have to go back, I will have to find a brand new dentist and have everything faxed over from my old dentist and go through all this "getting to know your teeth" stuff again with a whole new person.

Obviously this isn't a life and death problem, but it's annoying. It's hard enough to convince myself to go to the dentist without having to jump through all the hoops again.

Oh well, I guess sometimes insurance can chew you up. It bites, but what can you do but keep grinding away?

Only 48 more days!

I absolutely love Christmas season. I have my Mom to thank for that. Growing up, our house always looked and smelled like Santa's workshop as soon as the Thanksgiving dishes could be cleared away.

Crystal and I went Christmas shopping this weekend and it was so much fun. I love doing that, and it's made all the more fun by the fact that we can't afford to do much shopping these days so when we do get out, it's a special treat. Having kids is going to make this season even better. I can't wait to get them all riled up and excited about everything. Hopefully I will be able to do that while still keeping the true meaning in the forefront, but I don't think it will be too hard.

So anyway, I'm ready to get the trees out right now, and start wrapping presents. Why do we always wait until after Thanksgiving? I'm finding it harder to remember every year. I can't wait to see the Christmas season through my kids eyes. I just hope I can make it as fun for them as it was for me growing up.

I know that this wasn't a particularly funny entry, but it was lean pickens on funny topics this weekend, and I'm just in a good mood. :)

Walking the Federline

I don't plan to post much pop-culture stuff because it doesn't really interest me much, but I couldn't pass this one up. A friend told me about this, and it's too funny not to share. Kevin Federline if you don't know, is Britney Spears husband. He is a former dancer that worked for her in the past and now he is using his new found fame to launch a singing career. Check out the following lyrics. The last line is the kicker:

"Back then they called me K-Fed
But you can call me Daddy instead
Go ahead and say whatcha wanna
I'm gonna sell about 2 mil, oh, then I'm a goner
I know you all wish you was in my position
Cause I keep getting' in situations that you wish you was in, cousin
Steppin' in this game and y'all ain't got a clue
Getting anxious? Go take a peep
I'm starrin' in your magazines now every day and week
But maybe baby you can wait and see
Until then all these Pavarottis followin' me."

Clearly he meant to say "paparazzi" in that last line but I can't stop laughing at the visual of Britney and he running from the huge opera singer....



"I told you guys to leave us alone. We don't even like opera yo!, and we don't want your stinking handkerchiefs!!!!"

I still can't believe that those lyrics made it through the screening process. You just can't make this stuff up.

Doin' a Nickle

As of December 4th, I will have been at my current job for five years. This means that I get to choose a 5 year service gift. I got an email the other day that said that the gifts would be on display this morning in the lobby for us to check out so that we could start to make up our minds.

To give you some background, I work for a very old company. You have to work your way up to "Newbie", and anyone thats been here less that 10 years is still wet behind the ears, so naturally I expected the 5 year gifts to range anywhere from a personalized Bic pen to a half chewed stick of gum.

I was actually shocked to find that the first gift was a cd player with a built in TV. Thats not that usefull to me but it's pretty cool. The next thing I saw was a soft shell tackle box. I'm going fishing in Canada next year, so I considered it, but I already have a decent tackle box. Still it was a pretty decent gift compared to what I was expecting.

The next thing I saw is definetly going to be my gift. I was so shocked that I actually asked the lady if it had ended up on the wrong table by accident. To me, clearly, this was at least a 10 year gift. She assured me that it was, in fact, a five year gift and I was all the more shocked. A portable DVD,CD,MP3 player. Frankly I couldn't care less about the CD or MP3 player as I rarely listen to music, but a portable DVD player would be sweet. At least I think it would. I'm not sure if it's just the gadget junkie in me or if this is something that I would actually use, but I think I'll have a hard time passing it up. Maybe I'll go get a bic pen out of the office supply cabinet to celebrate.

Learning from the best

My main hope for this blog is to make you the reader laugh. I hope to take what happens to me on a daily basis and find a funny way to tell the story that will both let you know what's going on with me and give you a chuckle at the same time. I'm still new at this and I'm trying to learn from the master which is why I have a link to the Dilbert Blog in my links section to the right. If you get the time, check out today's entry entitled "Hi Jean". As soon as I read it I felt like a moron. I had almost the exact same experience at the library yesterday and failed to see the humor in it. Cleary Scott Adams has made a career out of turning mundane things into humor and he has done a great job at it. I guess I'm inspired to try and focus more on the little things and see how they could be told as a funny story. So anyway, I'm hoping that next time I won't miss a golden comic nugget like that.

Candy Land

Normally left overs are a very good thing, but when they involve left over Halloween candy, they definetly are not. I feel absolutely gross and it's my own fault, because I can't stop eating all the excess Halloween candy that everyone has brought in to work. The only thing that helps me to feel a little better is that I started working out again this week. If I see another Kit Kat bar I'm probably going to eat it, and then puke. I have no will power with this sort of thing at all and it's only going to get worse with Thanksgiving right around the corner. Why can't binge eating result in better muscle tone and overall fitness instead of just stomach insulation? I guess they do say that God has a sense of humor. :)

Trick or Trade?

We took the girls trick or treating last night which was pretty fun. Everyone ooh'd and ahh'd at how cute they both were in their cow costumes. It was pretty neat to get to show them off a bit.

This was the first year that Kylie really kinda got the idea of trick or treating although it took her a house or two to get the hang of it. Before we left, my Mom had put some little packs of skittles in her bucket to get her started and at the first house, she decided to cash in. She walked right up to the lady and looked at the candy that she was handing out and then reached in her own bucket, took out a packet of skittles and laid them down on the step. Then she reached for the candy that the lady had. I laughed so hard. I was proud of her that she was willing to trade something she had in order to get something else, but once she realized that everyone was handing out free candy she just went nuts. I guess thats how we all must have learned to stop sharing.

If her Kindergarten teacher ever tells us that she isn't good at sharing at a future parent teacher conference, I'll just try to bribe her with some skittles.