10. The heating bill
Whoever picked the north pole instead of Barbados needs to be slapped.
9. Discrimination Laws
When you only hire elves, the equal opportunity folks start to get pretty testy.
8. The "Physique"
Can we get some wider chimney's folks?!?! And you wonder why I don't come to your house.
7. Big Dogs
By default, anyone that owns a pit bull has been "bad" this year...
6. The Diet
How many times have you drank 50 gallons of milk and 2 tons of cookies in one night in between rides on a super sonic roller coaster of a sleigh? Chunks, need I say more?
5. Lawsuits
It just doesn't pay to be an old weirdo who visits children's houses in the middle of the night these days.
4. The off season
What do you do on your 364 day weekends?
3. The Pay
Ever hear any songs about Santa's salary, or stock options? Me neither...
2. Guns
The suit's Kevlar for a reason baby.
And the number 1 worst thing about being Santa is...
1. The Location
Any chance you guys deliver? Never mind....
Friday, December 22, 2006
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Grey Christmas
It's beginning to look a lot like rain here on Christmas day. That really stinks as I'm always looking for a big snow storm on Christmas Eve to complete the wonder and symmetry of Christmas. However I don't intend to let the unseasonal temperatures get me down. Here are a list of fun things you can do on a Grey Christmas morning.
Rainball fights - always a favorite of the kids. Throwing them accurately takes a little practice though
Build a Rainman - especially if you are bad at math.
Try to catch a Rainflake on your tongue - Ahh the taste of industrial air pollution just brings back memories...
Go RainBoarding or skiing - for whatever reason this sport is unpopular, so you should have the slopes to yourself
Eat a RainCone - Some Scrooge's out there will try to tell you it's just kool-aid but don't believe them
Make RainAngels in the back yard - I'd probably wear an old coat though...
Anyway, those are just a few ideas to keep your Christmas Day exciting, in case it rains where you are.
Merry Christmas!
Rainball fights - always a favorite of the kids. Throwing them accurately takes a little practice though
Build a Rainman - especially if you are bad at math.
Try to catch a Rainflake on your tongue - Ahh the taste of industrial air pollution just brings back memories...
Go RainBoarding or skiing - for whatever reason this sport is unpopular, so you should have the slopes to yourself
Eat a RainCone - Some Scrooge's out there will try to tell you it's just kool-aid but don't believe them
Make RainAngels in the back yard - I'd probably wear an old coat though...
Anyway, those are just a few ideas to keep your Christmas Day exciting, in case it rains where you are.
Merry Christmas!
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Fitness Update
Things haven't been all that good lately. At one point I was starting to feel very over trained and worn down, and honestly, now that I think about it, that was probably the root of all my recent problems. I took a week off of lifting to try to recover and at the same time was doing a lot of reading, trying to figure out the best plan. I got sick and stayed that way for a while, through last week in fact. My body has just been really down. On top of that, all the reading I did confused me far more than it helped. So at this point I've only been in the gym a handful of times this month and with Christmas break next week, I don't see that changing until after the new year.
It isn't all bad news though. I have been really good calorie-wise this week and I'm going to refocus myself as soon as I can get back in the gym. Things have been tough but like anything else, there are going to be tough times and easy times. I'm not going to let a few weeks of downturn morph into an excuse to quit.
I also have a new goal. Some friends of ours at church really want to run the Music City Half-Marathon in Nashville in April. I plan to train and run it also. Just having a goal has refocused me mentally. Alwyn Cosgrove preaches this on his blog and I agree. Train for athletic goals and the physique will follow. Just training for the mirror is hard mentally. It's like waiting for water to boil. It just never seems to happen until you ignore it. I'm going to make an effort to give myself athletic goals from now on and continue to work out and hopefully that will help my motivation down the road.
I'm a little bummed because I have lost a little muscle mass from not being in the gym and being sick but I'm not going to let it get me down. I have had a really good year fitness wise. I stuck with my work outs all year, even after spurts where time off and circumstances could have tempted me to quit. If you know me, then you know that I'm taking this seriously to have stuck with it this long.
Here's to another great fitness year, and hopefully even better progress!
It isn't all bad news though. I have been really good calorie-wise this week and I'm going to refocus myself as soon as I can get back in the gym. Things have been tough but like anything else, there are going to be tough times and easy times. I'm not going to let a few weeks of downturn morph into an excuse to quit.
I also have a new goal. Some friends of ours at church really want to run the Music City Half-Marathon in Nashville in April. I plan to train and run it also. Just having a goal has refocused me mentally. Alwyn Cosgrove preaches this on his blog and I agree. Train for athletic goals and the physique will follow. Just training for the mirror is hard mentally. It's like waiting for water to boil. It just never seems to happen until you ignore it. I'm going to make an effort to give myself athletic goals from now on and continue to work out and hopefully that will help my motivation down the road.
I'm a little bummed because I have lost a little muscle mass from not being in the gym and being sick but I'm not going to let it get me down. I have had a really good year fitness wise. I stuck with my work outs all year, even after spurts where time off and circumstances could have tempted me to quit. If you know me, then you know that I'm taking this seriously to have stuck with it this long.
Here's to another great fitness year, and hopefully even better progress!
Friday, December 08, 2006
Boom......
How many times have you heard someone say that the universe was started by the Big Bang? I hear it all the time these days in news articles and other sources. Before I get started, I'm not saying that the Big Bang couldn't have happened, I'm just curious as to why most people think of it as the beginning.
It's like asking someone where their camp fire came from and them telling you that it "came from a match of course". The obvious follow up question then is "Where did you get the match?". For some reason we don't apply that same logic to the Big Bang. If you haven't noticed, "nothing" can't explode, so there had to be something to start all that exploding business.
I have heard some theories from those who realize that matches don't make themselves and they range from the universe being cyclical and exploding and retracting and exploding again over and over(infinite loops still have to start somewhere), to massive amounts of energy existing that exploded with such force that the energy was transformed into particles (where did the energy come from?).
Nobody can seem to grasp the fact that none of this is possible without some sort of beginning. At some point, "nothing" had to become "something". End of story. Without that, nothing that exists could exist.
and I only know one person who has that kind of power...
It's like asking someone where their camp fire came from and them telling you that it "came from a match of course". The obvious follow up question then is "Where did you get the match?". For some reason we don't apply that same logic to the Big Bang. If you haven't noticed, "nothing" can't explode, so there had to be something to start all that exploding business.
I have heard some theories from those who realize that matches don't make themselves and they range from the universe being cyclical and exploding and retracting and exploding again over and over(infinite loops still have to start somewhere), to massive amounts of energy existing that exploded with such force that the energy was transformed into particles (where did the energy come from?).
Nobody can seem to grasp the fact that none of this is possible without some sort of beginning. At some point, "nothing" had to become "something". End of story. Without that, nothing that exists could exist.
and I only know one person who has that kind of power...
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Silent But Deadly to Planes
I read a news story today about a plane that was forced to land because several passengers reported catching a strong smell of sulfur in the cabin. Upon further investigation, they found that a woman had passed gas, and lit a match to try and cover the smell.
First of all, I wish that this had been a guy, because for the rest of his life he could have bragged about his ability to bring down planes with the power of his backside. To guys, this would have been a funny story, and a badge of honor for all time. This woman, I'm sure will be very embarrassed and looking for the first boat to Siberia and a name change form.
I mean, my imaginary guy could have forever referred to his rear as his "anti-aircraft cannon". I'm sure the women reading this blog are already rolling their eyes, but for some reason this stuff never stops being funny for guys. It's as if it's built in somehow.
My biggest fear is what effect this might have on airport screening. I'm just imagining some adaptation of the "breathalizer", if you get my drift.
At least no one was hurt, and maybe this will help to improve airport food over time.
First of all, I wish that this had been a guy, because for the rest of his life he could have bragged about his ability to bring down planes with the power of his backside. To guys, this would have been a funny story, and a badge of honor for all time. This woman, I'm sure will be very embarrassed and looking for the first boat to Siberia and a name change form.
I mean, my imaginary guy could have forever referred to his rear as his "anti-aircraft cannon". I'm sure the women reading this blog are already rolling their eyes, but for some reason this stuff never stops being funny for guys. It's as if it's built in somehow.
My biggest fear is what effect this might have on airport screening. I'm just imagining some adaptation of the "breathalizer", if you get my drift.
At least no one was hurt, and maybe this will help to improve airport food over time.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Jaco Van Zyl is The Man!
They say that Q school is the toughest test of nerves in sports. I'm sure that there are plenty of other things that rank up there but for golf fans, this is it.
The ultimate disappointment is to miss a put on the last hole and miss your card. I really feel bad for those guys. On the other side of the coin is Jaco Van Zyl. This guy started the 6th and final day 8 strokes back of the top 30 and a PGA Tour Card.
He closed like a champ and shot a 64 to get his card on the number at -8. I'm impressed. To come through like that on the toughest day in golf is just amazing. I can't even get the ball off the tee when I have shot at shooting under 45 for nine holes.
Clearly I'm going to be a fan of this guy and keeping an eye on his progress in the upcoming season. I really hope he plays well and makes a name for himself and completes the dream because as hard as it was to come back and make the cut to get on the tour, it's even harder to stay there.
Good luck JVZ, win one for the hackers.
The ultimate disappointment is to miss a put on the last hole and miss your card. I really feel bad for those guys. On the other side of the coin is Jaco Van Zyl. This guy started the 6th and final day 8 strokes back of the top 30 and a PGA Tour Card.
He closed like a champ and shot a 64 to get his card on the number at -8. I'm impressed. To come through like that on the toughest day in golf is just amazing. I can't even get the ball off the tee when I have shot at shooting under 45 for nine holes.
Clearly I'm going to be a fan of this guy and keeping an eye on his progress in the upcoming season. I really hope he plays well and makes a name for himself and completes the dream because as hard as it was to come back and make the cut to get on the tour, it's even harder to stay there.
Good luck JVZ, win one for the hackers.
Friday, December 01, 2006
College Football Playoffs
It's a dream. At least for now. It would be amazing to have a college football playoff to look forward to instead of just a bunch of BCS controversy. A lot of people worry that a playoff would lessen the importance of the regular season which is unmatched in intensity by any other sport.
I think I have the solution. My plan would not only bring a playoff to college football but would actually INCREASE the regular season intensity.
The playoff would consist of 8 teams. I think 4 is too few and 16 is too many.
Here is the key. The 6 current BCS conferences would each get one automatic bid to the playoffs for its winner. Everyone else in those conferences has no shot. If you don't win your conference, you have no business playing for a national title. End of story. Obviously, conferences that do not currently have a conference title game would be pressed to have one, so that the conference champion could be decided on the field. Regardless of that, only the winner of the conference, however it is decided, would move on. That alone would renew rivalries and make every conference game even more important than it is now.
The remaining two spots would be reserved for the two teams with the best records from smaller conferences or independents. Voting would have no effect. If there were three independent or small conference teams with the same record, then the two with the highest strength of schedule would get the spots. This will encourage teams to play tougher games throughout the year, thus making college football even more watchable. Plus, teams like Boise St this year would get in because they went undefeated. They don't have to care about useless voters giving them attention, they just have to focus on winning.
I think that my plan would not only mantain the college fooball regular season intensity as it is now, but it would be incredibly fair as to how you get in. Win your conference and your in. Win more games and play a tougher schedule than other teams if you aren't in a major conference, and you are in.
Who wouldn't want to watch that?
I think I have the solution. My plan would not only bring a playoff to college football but would actually INCREASE the regular season intensity.
The playoff would consist of 8 teams. I think 4 is too few and 16 is too many.
Here is the key. The 6 current BCS conferences would each get one automatic bid to the playoffs for its winner. Everyone else in those conferences has no shot. If you don't win your conference, you have no business playing for a national title. End of story. Obviously, conferences that do not currently have a conference title game would be pressed to have one, so that the conference champion could be decided on the field. Regardless of that, only the winner of the conference, however it is decided, would move on. That alone would renew rivalries and make every conference game even more important than it is now.
The remaining two spots would be reserved for the two teams with the best records from smaller conferences or independents. Voting would have no effect. If there were three independent or small conference teams with the same record, then the two with the highest strength of schedule would get the spots. This will encourage teams to play tougher games throughout the year, thus making college football even more watchable. Plus, teams like Boise St this year would get in because they went undefeated. They don't have to care about useless voters giving them attention, they just have to focus on winning.
I think that my plan would not only mantain the college fooball regular season intensity as it is now, but it would be incredibly fair as to how you get in. Win your conference and your in. Win more games and play a tougher schedule than other teams if you aren't in a major conference, and you are in.
Who wouldn't want to watch that?
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