Friday, December 22, 2006

The Top 10 Worst Things About Being Santa

10. The heating bill

Whoever picked the north pole instead of Barbados needs to be slapped.

9. Discrimination Laws

When you only hire elves, the equal opportunity folks start to get pretty testy.

8. The "Physique"

Can we get some wider chimney's folks?!?! And you wonder why I don't come to your house.

7. Big Dogs

By default, anyone that owns a pit bull has been "bad" this year...

6. The Diet

How many times have you drank 50 gallons of milk and 2 tons of cookies in one night in between rides on a super sonic roller coaster of a sleigh? Chunks, need I say more?

5. Lawsuits

It just doesn't pay to be an old weirdo who visits children's houses in the middle of the night these days.

4. The off season

What do you do on your 364 day weekends?

3. The Pay

Ever hear any songs about Santa's salary, or stock options? Me neither...

2. Guns

The suit's Kevlar for a reason baby.

And the number 1 worst thing about being Santa is...

1. The Location

Any chance you guys deliver? Never mind....

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